It’s been just over a month since my last lockdown diary entry. I’ve completely lost track of the days and weeks, my concept of time is absolutely non-existent. Every ounce of routine I once had has vanished. As the lockdown goes on, everyone seems to be feeling worse.
Many people around the country are starting to feel the strains of our situation. We’re all missing family, missing friends and missing normal life. We’re nearly halfway into 2020 and our year is showing no signs of getting better.
Since my last post, I’ve been struggling a lot. I’ve had more bad days than good recently and the only thing I’ve wanted to do is give all my grandparents a massive hug. This is the longest I’ve ever been away from them all and it breaks my heart not knowing when I can hug them again. I’ve cried over small things that don’t matter and the slightest thing can happen which will completely ruin my day. I’ve been feeling possibly the most vulnerable I’ve ever felt in my life. My moods and emotions have been a roller coaster and I’ve struggled to carry out even the simplest of tasks through lack of motivation.
Like many people, I’m finding it so hard and I’ve been struggling to admit that. I’m aware that so many people are in worse situations and I’m fortunate enough that myself and all my family and friends are healthy and safe. I’ve been telling myself I’m being selfish for finding this so difficult when so many others are suffering far worse. I’m slowly realising that actually, it’s okay for me to feel sad sometimes.
The fact that this world we now live in has become accepted as our normal terrifies me. People no longer appear scared of the pandemic or scared of getting ill, instead they choose to go about their daily lives as if this isn’t happening. The worst thing is, this isn’t their ignorance or denial. It’s people getting used to things being like this. It’s acceptance and that is the scariest thing of all.
We cannot let this become our normal. We cannot accept not seeing our families, friends or spouses. We cannot accept it not being safe enough to work or travel anywhere that isn’t our own homes. We cannot accept this.
People around me are starting to relax their attitudes towards the lockdown. They travel between households, complaining that not enough is being done by the government. It is this careless attitude that means we’re isolated from the world even longer, risking a second outbreak that’ll only make things worse.
Deep down, we all want the same thing; a vaccine. With a vaccine comes the promise that everything is going to be okay and that this pandemic that we’re fighting has finally been defeated. That day will come, even if people are starting to lose sight of that.